my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
