our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
