Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
