ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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