I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
