Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Do vagina's smell?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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