the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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