listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
