I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
