You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
