I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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