Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
