i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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