Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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