maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
