You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
