I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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