she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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