I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
