We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
