I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
