btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
