i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
