Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
