another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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