the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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