sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
