I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He better not be in your backpack
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
