Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
