Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
