My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
