No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
