I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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