That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
