How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
