i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
