Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
