please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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