I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
