About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
