this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
