I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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