we have officially lost it.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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