if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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