Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
