he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
