you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
