Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
