I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Your cock deserves a montage
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
