if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
