when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
