But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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