She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Randomize
