well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
