i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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