Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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